I'm at the age where I see friends; senior and junior to me, get married, have kids-- basically moving on to the next phase in life: familyhood (is that even a word?).
Me? I still think like a twenty-year-old, like a slightly older teenager living in a shell of a supposed adult. Not sure if that's a good thing. It probably isn't.
It feels like a lifetime ago when my mentor spoke to me for over an hour one day, and her words sliced through me like a hot knife through hard, stubborn butter. "A little kid who doesn't know anything is cute in our eyes. But an adult who doesn't know how to act like one is unsightly." In other words, she was telling me to act my age. And I was like, what's a 26-year-old supposed to act like??
Good question. It's one I've been asking for a long time.
Apparently, I was immature, insensitive, and in a way, selfish. All aspects you'd find in a little 5 year old. This was more than a year ago. I often wonder if I've grown after having come this far in life. 27 years sounds like a long time, but in actuality, most of it's been rather guided. Like a game tutorial. And now we've just left noob island and out on our own to fight monsters and grind for cash. That's just like life, isn't it? It's no wonder I kept getting bored with MMORPGs. It's repetitive. Boring. Arduous. Then again, I didn't have friends in those games so things got stale really quickly.
But back to the topic at hand.
Have I grown?
Let's see... when I came home after a 1-year stint abroad, I found myself more emotionally unrepressed. It was like a giant cork had been removed and whatever's been repressed in there was now free to come out as it pleased. All was fine and I relished this newfound freedom of emotional expression.
However recently I've found myself back to where I started. And I'm just thinking, maybe, being numb might be better after all? That's what I felt when I woke up this morning, anyway. Exhausted from crying hot tears, all in a bid to fall asleep faster.
Turns out that crying does take a lot out of you when done consecutively. And that I am still...
immature, insensitive, and selfish.
Me? I still think like a twenty-year-old, like a slightly older teenager living in a shell of a supposed adult. Not sure if that's a good thing. It probably isn't.
It feels like a lifetime ago when my mentor spoke to me for over an hour one day, and her words sliced through me like a hot knife through hard, stubborn butter. "A little kid who doesn't know anything is cute in our eyes. But an adult who doesn't know how to act like one is unsightly." In other words, she was telling me to act my age. And I was like, what's a 26-year-old supposed to act like??
Good question. It's one I've been asking for a long time.
Apparently, I was immature, insensitive, and in a way, selfish. All aspects you'd find in a little 5 year old. This was more than a year ago. I often wonder if I've grown after having come this far in life. 27 years sounds like a long time, but in actuality, most of it's been rather guided. Like a game tutorial. And now we've just left noob island and out on our own to fight monsters and grind for cash. That's just like life, isn't it? It's no wonder I kept getting bored with MMORPGs. It's repetitive. Boring. Arduous. Then again, I didn't have friends in those games so things got stale really quickly.
But back to the topic at hand.
Have I grown?
Let's see... when I came home after a 1-year stint abroad, I found myself more emotionally unrepressed. It was like a giant cork had been removed and whatever's been repressed in there was now free to come out as it pleased. All was fine and I relished this newfound freedom of emotional expression.
However recently I've found myself back to where I started. And I'm just thinking, maybe, being numb might be better after all? That's what I felt when I woke up this morning, anyway. Exhausted from crying hot tears, all in a bid to fall asleep faster.
Turns out that crying does take a lot out of you when done consecutively. And that I am still...
immature, insensitive, and selfish.
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