'Ah..' I thought. 'It's so noisy outside.'
Everyone's outside, I figured. Having lot's of fun and laughing loudly as they played a game.
Why am I not with them? I wondered to myself as I sit here, on the floor with my back leaned against the wall in this messy female dorm room.
I don't really understand - I should be out there in the lounge laughing along with them. But, why then am I not?
Don't get me wrong - I don't find them repelling, neither am I anti-social. In fact, I'm pretty social. So social, that I would pine for human interaction with close friends for days on end. But - I guess, thinking about it now, that's probably the reason why I'm sitting here, alone, in this room. I'm selective.
Very, selective.
I think I'm being selfish - nitpicking who I want in my life. I think it's unfair (to others) that I'm acting this way.
Then change, I hear you say. That's another thing. I don't feel like changing. I don't want to change. I'm comfortable being like this. This way, I can filter who I like, and who I don't like - who annoys me and who gets along well with me.
Is there such a thing as too much human interaction, even?
I guess so.
I don't even remember the real reason I typed out this post.
Maybe I'm just drained from today's activities.
Then again, I was baking myself in the sauna for over half an hour.
I'm at the age where I see friends; senior and junior to me, get married, have kids-- basically moving on to the next phase in life: familyhood (is that even a word?). Me? I still think like a twenty-year-old, like a slightly older teenager living in a shell of a supposed adult. Not sure if that's a good thing. It probably isn't. It feels like a lifetime ago when my mentor spoke to me for over an hour one day, and her words sliced through me like a hot knife through hard, stubborn butter. "A little kid who doesn't know anything is cute in our eyes. But an adult who doesn't know how to act like one is unsightly." In other words, she was telling me to act my age. And I was like, what's a 26-year-old supposed to act like?? Good question. It's one I've been asking for a long time. Apparently, I was immature, insensitive, and in a way, selfish. All aspects you'd find in a little 5 year old. This was more than a year ago. I often wonder i...
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